Why You Worry About Things You Can’t Control (And How to Let Go)
You know what I’m really good at? Worrying. Like, if there were a professional league for it, I’d have trophies.
Somewhere along the way, I picked up the idea that if I just worry hard enough, I’ll prevent bad things from happening, solve all my problems, and maybe even unlock the mysteries of the universe.
Now, deep down I know that’s not how it works.
And yet, I persist. Because worrying feels productive, doesn’t it? It’s like our brains are running some high-stakes simulation where, if we don’t mentally rehearse every worst-case scenario, we’ll be caught completely off guard.
Common Forms of “Worry as a Fix” Thinking:
"Pre-Worrying"—Because Why Wait?
Why wait for an actual problem when you can start stressing about it now? Future-you will definitely thank you for the sleepless nights.Example: “I don’t have any symptoms, but what if this tiny headache is actually something serious?”
Worrying = Productivity (Or So We Think)
The classic mind trick—if we think about something long enough, it counts as action. Right? RIGHT?!Example: “I haven’t actually replied to that email yet, but I’ve mentally drafted 47 versions of it.”
"If I Don’t Worry, Who Will?"
As if our anxious thinking is the glue holding the universe together.Example: “If I don’t worry about the economy, the job market, and the global supply chain… won’t everything fall apart?”
But here’s the truth—life unfolds whether we worry about it or not. And most of the time, things tend to work out in spite of our mental gymnastics, not because of them.
Life Has a Way of Taking Care of Itself
Think about it—how many things in life have actually gone according to your carefully constructed mental plans? If you’re anything like me, not many.
Yet here we are. Life keeps moving forward, whether we obsess over it or not. Somehow, you’ve managed to figure things out, adapt, and get through situations you once thought were impossible. And the best part? You didn’t have to force it.
That’s because you are naturally built to handle whatever comes your way. Seriously. Resilience, creativity, strength—they’re all hardwired into you, like factory settings you can’t mess up (even if you’ve convinced yourself otherwise).
Think about times when you’ve been in the middle of a crisis—real or imagined—and clarity eventually showed up out of nowhere. Or when you stopped overthinking and a solution just appeared, almost like magic. That wasn’t because you worried yourself into wisdom; it’s because your mind naturally settles when left alone.
It’s kind of like a snow globe—shake it up, and things get murky. Let it sit, and the answer becomes clear. Your mind works the same way. Clarity and wisdom are already built in; they just get buried under layers of overthinking.
So... How Do I Stop Worrying?
Ah, the million-dollar question. And here’s the part where I don’t give you a three-step plan or a breathing exercise (sorry).
See, worrying isn’t something you do—it’s something that happens when we believe our thoughts are reality. It’s the natural result of misunderstanding how our experience is being created.
When we believe our feelings of worry are coming from the outside world—our jobs, relationships, finances, or even big things like politics and the economy—we fall into the trap of thinking we need to fix, manage, or at least mentally monitor everything “out there.” And while we might not actually believe we can control these things, we still act like worrying about them is somehow helpful.
But the truth is, our feelings aren’t coming from the state of the world, our bank account, or that awkward conversation we had last week. They’re always coming from our own thoughts, moment to moment.
And here’s the good news: thoughts come and go on their own, without any effort from us. Worry isn’t a permanent state; it’s a passing visitor. Like the weather, it changes all by itself.
You don’t have to stop worrying. You just have to see it for what it is—fleeting, not factual, and definitely not an emergency.
What To Do Instead?
Nothing. (Yep, you read that right.) You don’t have to battle your thoughts, reframe them, or force yourself to “think positive.” In fact, trying to fix your thoughts often just makes things worse—like shaking a snow globe to see the contents more clearly. It only stirs things up even more.
The more we wrestle with our thoughts, the more real and important they seem. Before you know it, we’re knee-deep in mental negotiations, trying to out-think our overthinking... which, of course, never works.
Instead of treating worry like a problem to solve, what if you just let it be? Notice how your thoughts come and go—some are dramatic little storm clouds, others are sunny skies. Either way, they pass on their own, without you needing to micromanage the process.
So next time you catch yourself spiraling, try this:
“Oh hey, it’s you again, worry. Pull up a chair if you must, but I’m not making snacks.”
“Interesting story, brain. Let me know how that turns out.”
“Cool forecast, but I think I’ll step outside and see for myself.”
The more you realize that thoughts are self-correcting, the easier it becomes to stop taking them so seriously. And the less seriously you take them, the quicker they move along.
Because in the end, life is happening right now, and it’s way too interesting to miss while you're busy running mental disaster drills.